Day The Rats Vetoed Congress, The

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Speaker Blamer said, stiffening ever so slightly, "Mr. Toad, I can't deal with rumors and the crazed delusions of plot spinners. As far as I can see, it was just a random occurrence, the entrance into the plumbing of a fleeing rodent seeking food. Can't we talk about the larger picture here? For heaven's sake, the country is aroused over this shutdown as never before." Profiling 12 chief executives and company founders, Nader highlights how these leaders valued principles as much as the bottom line, and in some cases considered profits to be a mere stepping stone on the way to achieving nobler goals . . . A rosy . . . idiosyncratic tribute to moral leadership.” – Publishers Weekly

Speaking nearly at the same time, and with the same enthusiasm, Melosay and Senator Clearwater readily agreed. One day, Speaker Blamer entered his bathroom to use his portable toilet only to see a mouse perched on the sink. The next day, he saw a young rat trapped in the bathtub. He bludgeoned the intruder to death with his large hair brush. "Ugh, ugh, ugh!" he exclaimed. "I can't take this anymore!" Whereupon he rushed into his office and dialed his special administrative assistant, Duke. And you know, Woody," Blamer said, getting a little avuncular, "doubletalk always goes hand in hand with double-dealing and hypocrisy. If you want to see hypocrisy practiced as a fine art, look to the deficit-reduction crowd. We - and, to my shame, I have to include the old me in that number - are always demanding that the federal deficit be slashed, Yet while Congress uses chainsaws to cut welfare benefits, it uses a toenail clipper on the Pentagon's budget, even refusing to drop projects and domestic bases that the Pentagon itself wants eliminated. Speaker Blamer - the more politically savvy of the two - said that they should immediately request The Centers for Disease Control to dispatch teams that would highlight the diseases and pathogens that could emerge to spread beyond the confines of Congress. At his upcoming news conference, he would also note that rats were the carriers of the deadly bubonic plague, which, as recently as the 14th century, had caused devastation in Europe. "Such menacing references," he asserted, "will direct the public's attention toward possible epidemics instead of allowing them to follow their natural inclination to treat the shutdown as a laugh fest."Second, after they kill and chew on two or three rats, they get lazy and lay down to sleep. Apparently, there is only so much action they can take." Yes sir, on the double. But I have been instructed to tell you that the House Administrator has been receiving dozens of calls today. It seems that last night there was a mass invasion of rats and mice into the offices of scores of House members. It seems," he said, "that something happened below to drive them en masse from their lairs." The word “rat” is derived from the Latin “ rodere” which means “to gnaw.” Rats produce litters several times a year, with high infant mortality. If seen as weak, newborns are eaten by their parents and their stronger siblings. Over the centuries, rats have developed uncanny abilities to survive dangers everywhere, especially those produced by their proximity to humans whose detritus and garbage ironically provide the means by which they prosper and create new nests. As you can see, my colleagues, the scene is an unusual one, to put it mildly. The rats have now occupied all spaces and then some. Meanwhile, the mice sense opportunity as well as peril and are increasing in numbers. But there is so much food that they're not fighting each other.

However, for The Speaker, the matter was not so simple. Suppose the inspectors found nothing - not a hole, not a hair, not a dropping - but, not wanting to disappoint their superiors, they recommended that rat poison be placed around the suites. The Speaker knew that would not solve his problem, which was The Toilet! He could not, would not, give away his secret to the inspectors that rats were bobbing around in his personal commode, for then there would be the inevitable leak. Between the rat in the toilet and the yelling, people would start putting two and two together. With over 450 full-time, snooping reporters covering Capitol Hill- "ditto heads," he derisively called them - plenty would rush to pursue this story. Mr. Toad asked, "Mr. Speaker, many of your colleagues are watching you say all this live on national television, What do you think they are thinking about doing?" At an earlier breakfast, I mused about the story becoming a Hollywood movie. He amusingly asked who would play his character. I mentioned actors like Warren Beatty or Alan Alda. Because, as you know, this 'Chairman Nyet,' as some critics call him, is considered the hardest of the hardliners."

It wasn't easy for the Turks to figure out what to do. Not easy at all! So they kept meeting - all 33 of them - nervously absorbing each day's developments around the country and searching for a way out that would promote, not deep-six, them. For added secrecy, the Young Turks had taken to meeting away from the Congress, but even so, the elder trio had become privy to their younger cohorts' plans. Most everybody knows that rats can run, climb, and leap up to three feet. Fewer know that rats can gnaw through concrete. Even fewer know what an impossibly tiny space rats can squeeze through when they smell food or prey. And who knows that rats can tread water for three days and can swim over a half mile to reach dry ground?

Most interesting, Catman," noted the Anti-terrorism Chief. "We'll accept your candid conclusion and move to the higher plane of technological response. Let us hear from Chemical Warfare Man." As the show was almost over time, Mr. Toad came up with a tremendous finish, which might even allow him to go into overtime. Mr. Toad was disappointed to learn, via a text, that the network would not extend his program any longer. "Wow, that's a heavy good one. Unfortunately, Mr. Speaker, although it would be great if you could speak at length on this topic, you've got two minutes left for your reply." I'm not being facetious," he told him. "The modern forms are on paper, written by some of our enlightened legislators here, and at the state level. They are in neglected GAO Reports and in the studies by the Congressional Research Service and our universities and citizen groups. Also you can find them among existing best practices of local, state, and federal governments or in the better corporations like the Interface Company in Atlanta, Georgia or Patagonia in Ventura, California. The challenge of finding a viable agenda is the least of my worries." Or how about the 'Restoring Healthy Forests Act: which would allow more cutting in our national forests by companies that would be able to chop away without public input or environmental review? Then there's the 'Reducing Regulatory Burdens Act' that would let agribusiness dump regulated pesticides into navigable waterways without having to get a permit.Another, more normal person might have replied, "Yeah, I'm OK ... it's just that there was a rat in the toilet bowl." THE FIRST WEEK OF RAT EXTERMINATION having just passed, Speaker Blamer, Minority Leader Melosay, and Senate Majority Leader Clearwater met at Blamer's home at 10:00 p.m. This was being done on the QT, off the radar, and undercover. Why, yes, Reginald. It came in three volumes: mammals, reptiles, and insects. Tell me which one you want, and I will get it for you.” The Speaker did see this as an opportunity to drive his point home. "This just gives more urgency to our conversation. You both saw my preliminary list of reforms on Meet the Press. I know you would approve, Marcy. What about you, Senator? Where do you stand?" Ms. Melosay turned and, without comment, read aloud the message. In response, The Speaker blanched, and the Majority Leader of the Senate clenched his jaw.

The Speaker scrolled down to a section titled "Rats and Bubonic Plague, Typhus, and Rabies ... " This time he really had enough and switched off his computer, retiring to his chambers, somewhat nauseous. Regina displayed observable delight at these splendid, savvy suggestions, and she knew Reginald was similarly overcome.

In contrast to the active felines, the Capitol Police all seemed to be languidly looking at their smartphones, oblivious to any need to be alert now that the legislators and their staff had fled. Answer: I did once, broadly, in a written letter. No connection was made. In 2011, I wrote a fictional book, “ Only the Super-Rich Can Save Us! ” about a Warren Buffett recoiling from the immediate neglectful aftermath of the 2005 Hurricane Katrina disaster in New Orleans. In the book, he launched, with 16 other enlightened individuals, a just, step-by-step democratic overhauling of American politics top-down and then bottom-up. Ralph Nader has fought the good fight for fairness, honesty and justice for a lifetime. While he has from the first been a tough critic of corporate dishonesty and corruption, he has always been the first to praise those CEOs who have been both very successful executives, but who also exemplify the best practices for their employees and customers alike. In this book, we join him in examining the careers of some of the greatest executives he has known and admired over the years. It is a fascinating and illuminating look at how business can be both profitable and humane.” – Tom Dunne, Founder and CEO, Thomas Dunne Books