Emergency Questions: 1001 conversation-savers for any situation

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Lambert Warbeck MP’s request for ‘the longest BBC Rope’ that led to me meeting one of the most remarkable people I have ever known, though more about her here. I mean, sure there were minstrels during the Middle Ages, but is that what Galaxy names the chocolates after? If you could burn one building to the ground (without harming anyone or being prosecuted for arson), which edifice would you torch? What’s the worst thing that’s been drunkenly shouted at you by a friend or relative on Christmas Day?

Would you rather have dandruff that doubled up as an acceptable substitute for ground coriander, or smegma that tasted like the most delicious cottage cheese?Would you rather be able to turn your head like an owl or have a neck that telescopes up to the length of a giraffe’s neck, but can go back down again to normal?

Actually someone on Twitter did try to snitch on me to Richard once for ‘stealing’ his clearly labelled and acknowledged idea and the results were entertaining to say the least. This one always brings the ‘actually, it’s…’ brigade out in force, desperately keen to tell me that there’s no great mystery and what actually happened was actually incoming Head of Tedium Charles McHaltenwood thought a new broom was needed and while he was trying out the new broom he accidentally brushed the new contract out of the window because they needed to save money and he was costing too much and his ties were too paisley etc, but that really does just sound like what certain parties want us to believe rather than own up to their own mistakes (and that’s even if they were just ‘mistakes’). People are going to get mightily fed up with stuff suddenly disappearing and being expected to pay for it twice.Do you think it would be cheating if I had sex with you when you were being the robot in Passengers ? If you had to live out the rest of your life being either Toby Young or Dom Joly, would you just kill yourself now? Morrissey, as you can find out here, is the primary reason why I never really find myself wanting to listen to The Smiths as much any more.